Allergic to idea of marriage

This article was published in NST Not so Young Times on Saturday September 26, 1998

If there was a word like matrimony-phobia, it would best describe me. The very word matrimony sendsshivers down my spine and makes me breal out in cold sweat.Why am I terrified of something everyone looks forward to, an occasion that is joyous, filled with gaiety and laughter? Well, everyone is happy  and then the truth sets in ...now you are legally attached to a person for the rest of your life!

There are his habits, his inability to accept mine, his little idiosyncrasies and mine. It is not exactly easy for two people of different personalities to stay amicably under one roof. Then the children along, the constant crying and wailing could drive anyone up the wall.

Here comes my other worry : do I forsake all those years of the paper chase, earning all those A's, dreaming of a rewarding career, for domestic bliss? Or should I pursue my ambitions anyway, and dump the responsibility of rearing my my brood on someone else?

I have seen many women become good wives and mothers, devoting every minute of their lives to their families, forgetting to take care of themselves; their husband's eyes stray to the nubile bodies of of the SYTs (sweet young things) that abound. These two-timing husbands never get up the nerve to confess; instead, the wife has to go through the indignation of finding out about the affair on her own. The distraught wife realizes the wretched life she led has been in vain; the husband she loved with all her being is now frolicking with some new girlfriend.

And what about the career woman, the woman who tries to juggle the triple roles of wife, mother and employee? She gets up early in the morning, cooks and sends the children to the babysitter-who is probably her poor mother, who's  had her share of child-rearing, yet has to contend with more in her twilight years!

The career woman speeds to work and spends the next eight hours in the cold hard world of commerce. She then returns home worn out, to find the house in a mess. The nights are spent doing dishes and laundry.

The mounting stress and workload make her a a very crabby woman, someone her children or husband would never dare go near. Is it worth it? Even if divorce does not break her in at the end, the stress definitely will.

Now readers may say that many marriages have worked, whether the wife worked or otherwise, and that I'm being too pessimistic. But can anyone assure me that my marriage will work?

Of course, one is just supposed to follow the crowd, like the rest of Adam's sons and daughters who have done so all these years, in the name of procreation; for the survival of humankind. Struggle to make the marriage work.C'est la vie!